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This July, Toy collectors around the world are facing a brand new anxiety, and it's not related to shelf space or a delayed shipping notification. It's something far worse: Introducing the FOMOPO, or Fear Of Missing Out a Pre-Order. Experts say it's spreading faster than SDCC exclusives sell out! ToyFarce investigated... With Target's Summer Geek-Out already in full swing, Walmart Collector Con just around the corner, and San Diego Comic-Con 2025 looming on the horizon, collectors are starting to spiral, and not from excitement, but from the sheer fear of forgetting to pre-order something. Anything. Everything! "I woke up in a cold sweat last night because I thought I missed the NECA Turtle 4-pack drop" said Tom, 38, from Arizona. "It turned out I had already ordered it weeks ago, but I still set six alarms for the next day just in case..." Experts (aka other collectors in Facebook groups) say that FOMOPO manifests through erratic behavior such as refreshing toy websites every 3 minutes, obsessively watching livestreams with 12 viewers, bookmarking 17 different pre-order calendars, and panicking when the "notify me" button turns into "pre-order" without warning. Dave from Ohio, a collector, confessed: "I added a pre-order for something I don't even collect. I just didn't want to be the only one who didn't have it pre-ordered." One collector, aware of his condition, simply fantasized: "I just want to go one day without checking Target, Walmart, Hasbro Pulse, Mezco, the McFarlane Toys Store, Super7, the NECA Store, Mondo shop, Mattel Creations, BigBadToyStore, Entertainment Earth and several japanese webstores before breakfast..." More news at 11:00... "You're definitely going to want to set an alarm for this one!" > Collective anxiety levels spike immediately.

In a move that can only be described as 'cool' in the most ironic way possible (Arnold Schwarzenegger Mr Freeze would be so proud!), Hasbro has officially unveiled their next G.I. Joe HasLab project: the G.I.Joe Snow C.A.T. (Combat All-Terrain), a winter-themed armored vehicle for your action figures, just as the entire planet is collectively sticking to every surface due to extreme heat. ToyFarce investigated... That's right, while temperatures soar, fans sweat, and action figures risk warping on our shelves, Hasbro thought "You know what collectors need right now? A SNOW VEHICLE." "We thought it would be a great way to mentally cool everyone down" said a Hasbro spokesperson, possibly from inside a walk-in freezer. "Why announce a tank or a aircraft carrier when we can drop something frosty and pretend it's not 100°F (38°C) outside?" The Snow C.A.T., originally released in the mid-1980s, is a fan-favorite Arctic vehicle, piloted by Frostbite and designed to dominate frigid tundras, unlike your living room, which currently resembles the surface of the sun. This updated HasLab version features modern details, working treads, "snopedoes", a kitchenette (!), and of course, that nostalgic warm-and-fuzzy (well, cold-and-snowy) feeling! Collectors have responded to the announcement with a mix of excitement and sweat-soaked confusion: "I love the Snow C.A.T.! But I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating it due to heatstroke" said one fan while fanning himself with a G.I. Joe file card. One collector reportedly immediately placed a few Snow Serpent figures in the freezer to prepare. Hasbro insists the timing is totally coincidental and has nothing to do with their office thermostat being broken and permanently stuck to 65°F (18°C). In the meantime, ToyFarce recommends staying hydrated, keeping your figures out of the sun, and possibly using the Snow C.A.T. box as a makeshift fan. More news at 11:00... Because nothing beats the heat like an armored snowmobile full of missiles! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

A Scandinavian family living in the remote and snowy beauty of the Norwegian archipelago of Svalbard is raising eyebrows - and cracking smiles - after discovering the latest Mythic Legions wave from the Four Horsemen Studios, the "Horrors of Einsamall", looks suspiciously like... well, them. ToyFarce investigated... "We were just scrolling through the new figure reveals with our satellite Wi-Fi connection" said Lars Østergard, a rugged nordic toy collector who may or may not have stepped straight out of a Norse mythology book. "And suddenly we see these characters: bearded warrior man, blonde warrior woman, big bearded grandpa, majestic husky, fierce little Chihuahua-looking guy... and we all just looked at each other like 'Hold on... that's us!'" The family photo, often taken around Christmas in front of their iconic snowy cabin with their two beloved dogs, could practically be a reference sheet for Four Horsemen Studios. The resemblance is, indeed, uncanny. Even more hilarious? One of the figures from the wave, a deluxe creature : the polar bear. "Yeah, that checks out" laughed Tilda, Lars' partner and the blonde armored woman in question. "We literally have polar bears wandering by our porch from time to time. They're part of the neighborhood..." The next figure in question, the frost orc with icy blue skin and battle gear, sparked even more laughter in the household: "Oh, that's clearly our cousin Erik from Trondheim" said Grandpa Olaf, stroking his impressive white beard. "He's big, ugly, and always cold, angry, and shirtless. This has to be him!" The family says they aren't mad, but just a little spooked and a lot amused: "We're honored, really!" said Lars. "But if the Four Horsemen Studios would like to tell us where they got a hold of our family photos, or send us a full set of those figures, we wouldn't say no!" he added, jokingly. At press time, The Four Horsemen Studios have not commented on the resemblance. That is mainly because we forgot to ask them. (Sorry!) More news at 11:00... Update: the Chihuahua has been reportedly trying on armors to cosplay as himself. *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

"He said it'd be quick. That was two hours and 150 photos ago..." What was meant to be a wholesome 4th of July backyard barbecue quickly spiraled out of control this Friday, as local action figure collector Josh brought his toys along "just to snap a few quick patriotic shots"... ToyFarce investigated. According to eyewitnesses (his family), the grilling was immediately put on hold once Josh spotted "the perfect lighting near the grill" and proceeded to unpack a full display of Captain America, G.I. Joe Classified Series figures, and one shirtless Hulk Hogan figure. "He used the smoke from the grill as fog, for realism..." said Josh's sister, visibly annoyed. "We were just trying to eat burgers!" As the smell of hot dogs faded into the scent of plastic heating under the sun, Josh continued to set up elaborate poses involving flags, shield bounces, and dramatic salutes. A handmade diorama labeled "Freedom Base Alpha" was also placed on the table, rendering it unusable for food or beverages. But Josh wasn't done yet. After the toy shoot, he proudly decided to give his display a little "Red, White, and Blue" spin, by rearranging his displayed action figures in those 3 colors. "Every 4th of July, I rearrange the whole collection to honor America" he explained. "Some people put up flags, I line up Marvel Legends, G.I.Joe Classified Series, DC Multiverse, Power Rangers, Transfomers, etc... in 3 sections: Red, white and blue. Scarlet Spider-Man is red, white and blue, so he can be in any section. That's patriotic enough!" The last thing we heard is that when asked if the food would be ready soon, Josh responded "Hold on, I need a few night shots once the fireworks start. I brought glow-in-the-dark accessories and reflective foil backgrounds!" More news at 11:00... Happy 4th of July, and remember to remove that Marvel Legends Captain Britain figure from your display, just for the day!

Finally, some positive news from this heatwave! As temperatures soar this summer, people everywhere are looking for ways to beat the heat... except for one person who's absolutely thrilled about it: meet Dr. J. Hingeswivel, a licensed orthopedist and lifelong action figure collector, who says the summer heat is actually beneficial for all joints, both human and plastic! ToyFarce investigated... "Yes, the heat can be unbearable..." said Dr. Hingeswivel, wiping sweat from his brow while posing a NECA figure. "... but it's also the perfect time for optimal articulation! Your elbows and knees might be sweaty, but they've never moved this smoothly!" Dr. Hingeswivel explains that warmer temperatures reduce stiffness, increase flexibility, and make it easier for joints to move without resistance: "Just like my Marvel Legends figures! They've never had such fluid butterfly joints!" he added, as he gently rotated a Wolverine figure's arm like a physical therapist performing a shoulder stretch. Collectors have started to take his advice seriously, with some even placing their entire display shelves near sunlit windows for "natural loosening." (ToyFarce's note: Don't do this. Your figures will yellow faster than your will to live in this weather!) Dr. Hingeswivel also warns against overexcitement: "Yes, articulation improves in the heat, but be gentle. Just because your Mythic Legions figures can now do the splits doesn't mean they should!" As for his patients? "They're moving better too" he said with a smile. "I even had a guy do a deep crouch yesterday. It was almost as good as a Maximum Series Spider-Man pose. Beautiful!" Stay safe, stay hydrated, and remember: if your action figures are getting too loose, it's not QC, it's just summer doing its thing! More news at 11:00... Finally, a heatwave that helps you strike the perfect pose! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

"At this point, I’ve got more Ryu figures than Ryu has moves..." What a great time to be a Marvel vs Capcom fan... or is it? Local collector Jeffrey, who proudly calls Marvel vs Capcom 2 "his entire personality for a full year in 2000", is starting to feel the déjà vu as yet another company has entered the fray with their take on 1:12 scale figures from the iconic crossover fighting game. ToyFarce investigated... "It all started off so innocently..." Jeffrey recounted. "I had the Toy Biz figures from 25 years ago, and for the longest time, they were my favorite. The Street Fighter figures from SOTA Toys back then were great too. More recently, Jada Toys gave us those amazing Street Fighter figures. I thought I'd get some X-Men figures from MAFEX to go with them. Then, Hasbro announced the Gamerverse Marvel Legends versions. I was like 'Cool! I’ll build my perfect MVC roster!' After that, Storm Collectibles came in with their 1:12 Street Fighter Storm Arena versions, so I figured 'Why not a third set?' And now, S.H. Figuarts, who also did Street Fighter figures before, announced X-Men characters from the game..." Jeffrey has been through this fight before. Literally. "You try to resist, but then you see that Ryu looks slightly more angry, or Magneto has extra hands, and suddenly you’re justifying a fourth version of the same character because this one looks the most like the arcade sprites." Adding to the stress is the fact that no one company seems to be releasing the full Marvel vs Capcom roster. "You end up kitbashing a playable team across four to five lines. My Wolverine is a Marvel Legend, my Captain America is a MAFEX, Ken is Storm Arena and my Chun-Li is Jada. I’m basically doing toy alchemy at this point!" Despite the annoyance, Jeffrey has confirmed he will be pre-ordering the S.H. Figuarts Gamerverse Cyclops: "He’s got that optic blast effect... I mean, come on. What am I supposed to do - not buy it!?" More news at 11:00... "If Toy Biz had just done this properly in 1999, we wouldn’t be in this mess..."

It’s that time of the year again: "Yo Joe June", a full month of exciting G.I. Joe news, reveals, and pre-orders from Hasbro and other brands! But while collectors are overjoyed, there’s one person who dreads this time of the year more than Cobra dreads a fully-funded H.I.S.S. Tank: Meet June Yojoe, a perfectly normal civilian with absolutely zero ties to the G.I. Joe brand, franchise, or toyline... and she has had enough. ToyFarce sat down with her for an exclusive interview. ToyFarce: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us, Ms. Yojoe. So first off, how excited are you about all the new G.I. Joe reveals thi... June Yojoe (interrupting): Okay, no. Absolutely not. I'm not doing this again. ToyFarce: ... I beg your pardon? June: Every single year. Every single June. My inbox fills up, people tag me on social media on tons of posts, my LinkedIn gets weird messages asking about Classified Series leaks. People see my name "Yojoe, June" and assume I'm part of some G.I.Joe event... Do I look like I work for Hasbro? Do I sound like a real American hero? I’m a dental hygienist from Iowa, for Pete's sake! ToyFarce: So you're saying you're not... June: I am not part of any "YoJoe June" celebration. My name is June Yojoe. Last name: Yojoe, First name: June. It's just a name. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t choose this life. ToyFarce: That must be... frustrating. June: Frustrating?! Last year, someone photoshopped me onto a Scarlett action figure! The year before, I got invited to a convention panel titled "YoJoe June: Secrets from the Source". I thought it was about dentistry and I went there! ToyFarce: Have you considered changing your name? June: And let G.I. Joe win? Never. I was here first! I’ve had this name since before the 3.75-inch era. Let them change the month! ToyFarce: So... no interest in the new Night Force Beach Head and Quick Kick figures? June: This interview is over. With two more weeks of YoJoe June left, June Yojoe is bracing herself... and silencing all notifications, just to be sure. More news at 11:00... "It's the same every year!" *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

In a shocking twist of... reality, local action figure collector Greg reportedly experienced a moment of awe this weekend when he ventured outside and discovered that nature, in fact, looks exactly like his forest diorama! ToyFarce investigated... "I couldn’t believe it, it's life imitating art!" said Greg, clutching his NECA Predator figure as he stood among actual trees for the first time since early 2023. "The moss, the rocks, the lighting... it's like someone recreated one of my forest diorama in 1:1 scale. Incredible craftsmanship!" Greg, who had initially stepped out to pick up a package of an order of handmade 1:12 trees, decided to take a detour through a nearby park. What started as an annoying chore quickly turned into a spiritual journey of rediscovery: "At first, I thought someone had built a life-sized version of my display for some kind of prank or for a toy convention. But then birds flew overhead and a squirrel ran by, and I was like 'Whoa! These are next level'" Greg was especially impressed by the "natural light" effect, which he says really enhances the realism of the outdoor setting. "It’s even better than the ring light I use", he admitted. "I might try to rig up a 'sun' like this in the toy room" he added. Witnesses say Greg was seen carefully inspecting tree bark for scale accuracy and muttering things like "This would be perfect for an outdoor G.I. Joe mission or a Mythic Legions outing..." and "Why doesn’t Hobby Lobby carry this kind of bushes?". When asked if he plans to go outside more often, Greg remained hesitant. "It’s cool and all, but there’s no plug for my fog machine and I can’t control the weather". More news at 11:00... "I could do without the animals photobombing though..." *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Skip the disappointment, go straight to clearance! In a bold and unprecedented move, McFarlane Toys has announced a brand new Superman action figure... going straight to Ross Dress for Less! That’s right: no pre-orders, no online exclusivity, no hope of finding it at Target or Walmart. The figure will debut exclusively at Ross, the discount retailer known for mismatched hangers, confusing layouts, and piles of rejected toys from other stores! ToyFarce investigated... Collectors everywhere were stunned, not by the figure's design (it's the same movie Superman figure, minus accessories), but by the location. For years, the phrases "Ross exclusive!" or "That’s going straight to Ross!" has been a running joke in the toy community when referring to less-than-popular figures. But in a shocking twist, McFarlane Toys decided to embrace the meme and make it a reality. "Why wait six months for a figure to accidentally end up at Ross when we can just send it there now?" said a McFarlane Toys spokesperson in a statement we absolutely made up. "We’ve streamlined the process! It’s innovation!" The figure, dubbed "Ross exclusive Superman" features: A smaller packaging (because you weren’t going to display the box anyway) No accessories (because hope is the real accessory, which is what the symbol on his chest stands for!) A price point so low, you’ll feel guilty not buying it, until you remember it’s still your 84th McFarlane Toys Superman figure. Reactions online were mixed. Some praised the honesty: "Finally, a figure that knows its destiny!" said one collector. Others were more skeptical: "So I’m supposed to dig through a bin of broken kitchenware and clearance sandals to find my Superman figure now?" McFarlane Toys has yet to confirm if the Ross exclusive Superman will come with a Ross price tag sticker already applied to the blister, but early sightings say yes, and peeling it off will absolutely tear the box. Just as Todd intended! More news at 11:00... Ross, Collect for less! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Toy collectors were still reeling from last week’s Marvel Legends Fanstream: Fantastic Four! Marvel vs Capcom! Yay! All the plastic glory a collector could dream of... until suddenly, the G.I. Joe team at Hasbro kicked the door down, said "Hold my beer", ripped off their sleeves, and screamed "YOJOE JUNE, BABY!"... ToyFarce investigated. Yes, the G.I. Joe Classified Series team decided to go full commando this week (not like that...get your mind out of the gutter, you!), coming in hot with a name-only reveals (Steelcore Sentry with Defense post and Desert Scorpion and Pet Scorpion), digital renders (AWE Striker, Legacy Collection Police officer, Renegades Sgt Slaughter and Mercer two-pack), figure pre-orders (Ninja Force Slice and Dice two-pack, Budo and Hawk with Mobile Missile System) and a plan that would make General Hawk himself blush: Not only did they unveil a small army of figures, but they also promised weekly streams throughout the entire month of June. That’s right: Every. Single. Week! As if that wasn’t enough, they casually dropped the news that a new HasLab will be revealed at the end of the month. Because nothing says "summer fun" like pre-ordering a multi-hundred-dollar plastic tank that will arrive sometime around the next presidential election. CAN'T WAIT! Collectors across the globe responded in unison with a joyful battle cry: "My poor wallet!" followed by the solemn resignation of clearing shelf space and preparing for financial ruin. At this point, we can only imagine what the next three streams will bring. More Classified Series figures! Vehicles! A lifesize Timber the wolf to guard your collection? One thing is certain: June has been fully commandeered by the G.I. Joe team, we know that now, and you know what they say about knowing... (it's half the battle. Wait... what's the other half?) More news at 11:00... YoJoe June? YOJOE, INDEED! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

"I was just walking around and then, boom! A toy store appeared right in front of me. What are the odds?!" - A local collector who recently set off for a relaxing vacation abroad has found himself in an all-too-familiar situation: discovering every single toy and collectible store in the city he's visiting... purely by accident, of course! ToyFarce investigated... (Inspired by a true story!) Alex, a self-proclaimed "casual tourist and full-time collector", flew to the south of France for a week of sightseeing, delicious food, and culture. But within hours of landing, he was already knee-deep in action figures at a specialty comic book shop: "I swear, I didn’t plan this!" Alex insisted, as he carried a bag containing an exclusive import figure he never finds at home. "I was just walking toward the beach and the Promenade des Anglais, and somehow ended up at a comic book store. It’s fate, really!" Throughout the trip, Alex has "accidentally" stumbled into multiple comic book stores, vintage toy shops, anime boutiques, and even a local toy convention that just happened to be taking place during his stay. While most travelers can name historical monuments, famous museums, or scenic viewpoints, Alex's local knowledge is a bit different. "I couldn’t tell you where the landmarks or museums are" he admitted, "...but I can tell you which stores have Bandai Tamashii Nations figures at the best price, and which one carries vintage Playmates TMNT in surprisingly good condition!" Alex’s travel companions report that he mysteriously disappears during scheduled group tours, only to reappear hours later with a bag full of loot and stories of "accidentally" taking a wrong turn that led directly to another hidden gem of a collectible shop. When asked about his next destination, Alex coyly said "I haven’t planned anything yet... though I did hear there’s a lot of really cool toy stores in Tokyo. I MEAN.. TEMPLES! I heard there’s a lot of really cool temples in Tokyo!" More news at 11:00... He came for the culture, and stayed for the collectibles. *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Dear toy community, We have all seen the recent statements from various toy companies, here is our take on it: In light of the recent tariff situation affecting the toy industry, ToyFarce is committed to adapting and evolving in these challenging times. While many toy companies are announcing price increases, reduced accessories, and cost-cutting measures, we are taking a different approach: Effective immediately, all ToyFarce articles will now feature 30% more jokes, 20% more sarcasm, and due to unforeseen logistical issues, at least 8% more typos. We understand that toy collectors are facing difficult times, with rising prices and shrinking figures, so we are doing our part to ensure that the amount of humor per article remains at an all-time high, with no price increase to our readers. That’s right! ToyFarce will remain 100% free, unless we also get hit with a tariff, in which case we may introduce various plans, such as Normal, Deluxe, Platinum Chase Variant or even Jokerized editions. Rest assured, we remain committed to delivering the most absurd, exaggerated, and completely unnecessary toy news coverage, now with extra satire at no additional cost. Thank you for your continued support during these trying times. We will get through this together, one overpriced action figure at a time... More news at 11:00... Now with 18% more news!

In a heartwarming yet deeply confusing tale, a local couple has voiced their growing concern over their 40-year-old son's mental health after noticing he keeps buying the exact same toys they bought him as a child... repeatedly. ToyFarce investigated... "He had all four Ninja Turtles when he was 7!" said his mother, holding a photo album from 1989. "And now, here we are in 2025, and he just bought all four Ninja Turtles. Again. But they're different ones, apparently?" The concerned parents, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of being targeted by collectors, initially suspected early-onset dementia when they noticed their son lining up pre-orders for figures he already seemed to own as a child. "He showed us his latest purchase with so much excitement: 'Look! The Ninja Turtles from the 1990 movie! Aren't they amazing?' but we swear we saw those exact ones last year. And also in 2016. And maybe 2012? And when he was a kid..." Their son, Joey (name changed to protect his toy shelves), insists there's nothing wrong: "The ones I just got are the Ultimate versions. Better paint apps, alternate heads, and accessories. The ones from last years were two-packs, how can they not see it's not the same? Also, these Foot Soldiers are from Wave 3. The ones I had as a kid were from Wave 1, and...look, it's different, okay?" Doctors ruled out any medical conditions after a thorough examination, confirming that Joey is perfectly healthy, just an "enthusiastic adult collector with poor impulse control and multiple open pre-orders". The real confusion began when the parents found a receipt showing Joey had purchased eight of the same figure. "We thought that he had definitely lost it!" said his father. "But then he calmly explained he was army building. What does that even mean? Is he going to war?" When asked for comment, Joey responded: "Look, when they release the TMNT figures again next year with slightly more accurate bandana colors and pizza slices that actually connects to each other, I’ll have to get them. I don't have a choice. It's destiny." As of press time, Joey’s parents were seen browsing online listings for their son's childhood toys, wondering if they could maybe sell his originals back to him... for a small profit! More news at 11:00... "We thought it was a medical issue. Turns out, it’s just collecting." *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

As the Target and NECA Haulathon 2025 draws to a close (We think? Who's keeping track anymore?), it's time for our annual post-event debrief. What have we learned from this year's event? What went smoothly? What didn't? ToyFarce investigated... Every year, NECA and Target promise an exciting weekly rollout of exclusive collectibles both in-store and online. The idea is simple: each Friday, new items become available for eager collectors to grab. Unfortunately, the reality is that the real Haulathon was the friends we made along the way, and by "friends" we mean the confused store employees who were just as in the dark as we were. Many stores put everything out before the event officially began, while others never received anything. Online drops were... technically posted, but mostly moot, since many items had already been scalped in-store days (or weeks?) earlier. Key Takeaways: -"Weekly Drops" was apparently code for "good luck finding anything after week one". -Target staff now reflexively flinch when someone says the word "Haulathon". -We’ve all become better at interpreting shelf tags and box shapes from 30 feet away. -At this point, it’s a tradition, like watching the same bad movie every year because it’s comforting in its dysfunction. In conclusion, the Target and NECA Haulathon remains one of the most predictably unpredictable collector events of the year. It’s a scavenger hunt wrapped in a mystery, dipped in confusion, and served cold with a side of eBay scalper fees. And we’ll all be right back at it next year or at the next GeekOut event, because... well, we’re collectors. This is what we do! How was your experience with the Target and NECA Haulathon? Did you manage to grab everything you wanted? Let us know in the comments! More news at 11:00... Until next time, happy hunting, or at least, happy complaining about hunting! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

In other news: water is wet. In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming (for the 52nd time), Dave, a collector from New Jersey, has officially announced that he is done with collecting after the latest round of price increases on action figures, which have been attributed to recently imposed tariffs. "I just can't justify paying $39.99 for a figure anymore" Dave proclaimed, posting a dramatic Instagram story with the words “I QUIT” over a screenshot of an online store shopping cart. ToyFarce investigated... Dave cited rising costs, declining quality, and "companies taking advantage of collectors" as reasons for his impassioned declaration. "It's just not worth it anymore. I'm going to focus on other hobbies now... like saving money and touching grass" he added, while rearranging his Detolfs (Detolves?). However, just three days later, Dave was seen proudly showing his latest toy haul on Facebook, with a caption saying "WE'RE SO BACK" which included four Marvel Legends figures, two Star Wars Black Series figures, a few NECA figures and the latest McFarlane Toys DC Multiverse wave. And that doesn't even include the pre-orders that were placed during that time. When asked about his apparent backtrack, Dave simply replied, "Well, these don't count. I found them while toy hunting, but I had them pre-ordered anyway!" (#loopholes). Fellow collectors were quick to sympathize: "We've all been there" said Mike, who also declared his retirement from collecting earlier this year, twice. "It's part of the cycle. First you rage-quit, then you bargain with yourself, then you buy another exclusive online at 3 a.m." Experts believe this phenomenon is part of the natural life cycle of modern collectors. In a follow-up, Dave confirmed he was really done this time... unless they announce that rumored deluxe figure he's been hoping for for a while. "But after that? Totally out." More news at 11:00... "This isn't an airport, no need to announce your departure!" exclaimed another collector. *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Have you ever pre-ordered an action figure (duh?), only to forget it exists until it shows up on your doorstep a year later, like a long-lost child? You're not alone! The wait time from announcement to delivery can feel like waiting for an endangered species to reproduce. Depending on the brand, you might wait even longer (#Batman1989, never forget)! So naturally, we, at ToyFarce, decided to compare the production time of action figures from popular brands, to the gestation of actual animals. Because why not? We'll rank them from fastest to slowest (let's be professional, right?): MCFARLANE TOYS - 1-3 months Comparable animal: A hamster (16–30 days) Say what you want about the endless Batman repaints and Jokerized figures, McFarlane’s turnaround time is record-breaking. Sometimes it feels like Todd is personally 3D-printing and boxing them in real time! BANDAI / S.H.FIGUARTS - 2-6 months Comparable animal: A dog (58–68 days) Quick and nimble, these figures often arrive before you finish watching the anime they’re from! Blink and they’re already doing a dynamic pose on your shelf. Just like an actual puppy dog would (if by dynamic pose, you mean 'pee on the carpet') HASBRO (Marvel Legends, Star Wars: The Black Series, G.I.Joe Classified Series) - 9-12 months Comparable animal: A human (9 months) By the time your pre-ordered X-Men wave arrives, an entire human could have been born, aged into toddlerhood, and started to reach out to touch the figures on shelves at his level! MEDICOM / MAFEX - 12-18 months (delays possible) Comparable animal: A rhinoceros (15-16 months) Hard to predict, prone to delays, but when they arrive: chef’s kiss. Fans have evolved to expect the unexpected and assume every figure is delayed until proven otherwise when it comes to MAFEX MEZCO (One:12 Collective) - 12-24 months (sometimes more) Comparable animal: An elephant (22+ months) Every release is a long journey of anticipation, speculation, and delays. But like an elephant calf, when it finally arrives—it's hefty, detailed, and probably wrapped in too much cloth. HOT TOYS - 18-36+ months Comparable animal: Golden Alpine Salamander (up to 3 years) The undisputed king of long waits. By the time your pre-ordered Marvel/Star Wars figure arrives, the next reboot of the MCU will already be in theaters. Jokes aside, the end result is often so nice that you forget how long it took, until you remember you ordered it two apartments ago. HONORABLE MENTION: NECA "HAULATHON" FIGURES Comparable animal: Quantum Bear? A Platypus with a time machine? Sometimes they show up early, before being announced. Sometimes never. Sometimes it's just one store in Iowa that gets them. NECA operates on a plane of reality we mere mortals cannot comprehend. No matter the wait time, remember: you’re not just buying a toy, you’re entering into a long-term commitment. So be ready, because when that pre-order finally arrives, it’ll feel like meeting a whole new being. Special thanks to Sepher (#SayHisNameAndHeAppears) on the YHS Discord for the conversation that led to this article! More news at 11:00... Can those become part of the lingo? "How long before it comes out? - I'd say a rhino, maybe an elephant."

A sigh of relief, with a touch of exasperation, has been shared by the toy community this week as Hasbro and Disney announced the extension of their licensing agreement for Marvel and Star Wars franchises. To the delight (and chagrin) of collectors worldwide, Hasbro will continue to produce toys and games based on those iconic properties. The Marvel Legends and Star Wars: The Black Series lines are here to stay, so buckle up! ToyFarce investigated... "The internet had told me that they would 100% lose those licenses, so I am a bit confused..." said a collector on X. "But at the same time, it's reassuring to know that I can continue to use the same jokes like 'HaSbLoW' or call anyone who likes an action figure a shill. I'm thrilled that I can look forward to another few years of complaining about the same things!" For many collectors, this news is like a double-edged lightsaber (wait... aren't they all double-edged? Actually, it's a tube of light, no edges!): On one hand, it guarantees a steady stream of new figures to add to their ever-growing collections. On the other, it means the continuation of familiar grievances: questionable choices ("Those are the WRONG BOOTS!"), passable paint applications, elusive exclusives and the ever-present "price panic". While some collectors had hoped for a shake-up in the toy industry, perhaps bringing in new manufacturers or fresh approaches to beloved franchises, the extension of the Hasbro-Disney partnership ensures that the status quo remains firmly in place. "Oh thank God. I couldn't imagine starting all over again with another company!" said another collector (for real, it's the title of a reddit post!). "It's like that old saying", he added. "'Better the devil you know than the devil you don't'... At least, with Hasbro, we know exactly what we're getting...and what we're not!". Of course, we can also look forward to dozens of conspiracy theory essays on Youtube about how Hasbro was going to lose those licenses for sure, and it's only because of *the tariffs*/*the quality of recent movies and shows*/*insert other theory here* that Disney ended up extending their deal. Oh boy, am I hyped for those! More news at 11:00... "I'm glad I can have the same arguments for a few more years. I was not ready to let go..."

Ah, May the Fourth, the holiest of days for Star Wars fans, when companies unveil new collectibles, exclusive merchandise, and marketing campaigns so powerful they could destroy an entire wallet! Except this year... it’s on May 2nd? ToyFarce investigated... In a bold move that screams "we are SO not going to work weekends", Hot Toys decided to celebrate May the Fourth on May the Second, dropping a slew of Star Wars figure announcements two full days early. Because when it comes to honoring the Force (they did start one of their reveal with 'In honor of May the Fourth'...), nothing says commitment like "We’ll do it on Friday. Close enough." "We just wanted to give fans something special in honor of May the Fourth" said a Hot Toys spokesperson while clearly looking at a calendar and crossing out Sunday with a red marker. "It’s the spirit that counts. And we’re definitely not trying to beat everyone else to the punch. Not at all." Not to be outdone, Hasbro also joined the premature party, scheduling a Star Wars livestream for today, May 2nd. You heard that right! All your favorite May 4th tradition of watching repainted clone troopers and slightly updated Mandalorians is now officially brought to you on... whatever day is most convenient for the team. Industry insiders say there's a chance we may soon be celebrating May the Fourth Week, a new five-day event where companies scatter announcements from April 30th to May 5th, just to cover all time zones, business days, and possible lunch breaks. Collectors are thrilled, of course: "I love that I now have a full weekend to overthink my preorders!" said one fan. "Also, thanks to the early reveals, I can now spend May 4th in peace, arguing about whether the prequels are better than the sequels or not, like nature intended." So happy May the Second, everybody! More news at 11:00... And remember: whether it's May the 4th (Be With You), Revenge of the 5th, or any other day of the year, there's always time for new Star Wars toys... just not on a Sunday!

"That was a close one!" said the shaken collector, clutching the still-sealed box like a newborn kitten. In a shocking turn of events, a live unboxing video was cut short this week after longtime collector Ryan suddenly remembered, mid-slice with his X-Acto knife, that he is, in fact, an in-box collector! ToyFarce investigated... The incident occurred during what was supposed to be a live unboxing of the new Ultra Deluxe Exclusive Mega Limited Edition action figure (Platinum Edition Chase Variant, obviously). As Ryan welcomed his YouTube viewers and began to describe the packaging in great detail, muscle memory kicked in, and he reached for his trusty box cutter. But just as the blade grazed the tape... he froze. "I don't know what came over me" said Ryan, still visibly shaken. "I think I was caught up in the hype. I saw everyone else doing unboxings and thought: 'Yeah, I can do that!' But then I heard a voice... maybe it was my own, maybe it was Mint-On-Card figure telling me 'DON'T DO IT!'" The screen quickly cut to black, followed by a title card reading that the stream had ended. We would hear from Ryan only a few minutes later, as he twitted: "Crisis Averted. Stay Minty, Friends". Collectors around the world have praised Ryan's restraint, calling him a hero and an inspiration to MOC collectors everywhere. The video has since gone viral, spawning hashtags like #SaveTheSeal and #BoxLivesMatter. According to sources, Steve has since placed the unopened figure in a protective acrylic case, double-sleeved it in UV-resistant plastic, and has begun therapy to deal with the near-miss: "I just hope no one else has to go through what I went through", he said. "Let my mistake be a lesson: Never let the hype override the way you enjoy your plastic." More news at 11:00... "You don't understand. This could have been a disaster of catastrophic proportions!" *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

This Easter, while children all over the world search for colorful eggs filled with candy, toy collectors are engaging in a very different kind of hunt: one that involves hiding their latest pick-ups and pre-orders from loved ones, financial advisors, and sometimes even themselves! ToyFarce investigated... "I used to hide chocolate eggs" said one longtime collector. "Now, I hide the receipts from my toy hunts in old shoeboxes and label them 'Tax Stuff – Do Not Open'." Another collector shared his expert tactic: "I have a spreadsheet that lists everything I buy or pre-order as 'Office Supplies'. If anyone ever questions it, I say it's printer toner. Nobody wants to talk about printer toner." As this phenomenon gains traction, the Easter Bunny itself has expressed concern. In an exclusive interview with ToyFarce, he said: "I used to be the best at hiding things... Trees, bushes, backyard flowerbeds... I was the king! But these collectors? They’re hiding entire Hot Toys figures inside in their display, saying "This? No, it has always been there...". I can’t compete with that." Psychologists are calling it "Toy Pick-ups/Pre-order Concealment Syndrome" or TPCS, a totally made-up condition where adult collectors expertly stash evidence of their purchases in increasingly creative ways, especially during gift-heavy holidays. Despite the competitive tension, the Easter Bunny remains hopeful: "I might start hiding exclusive figures next year. You think kids go wild for candy? Wait till they find a Star Wars Celebration exclusive figure on their lawn." More news at 11:00... Happy Easter, and good luck finding all your pick-ups/pre-orders before your significant other does!

A long time ago, in a Target far, far away... This week marks the fifth anniversary of the Haulathon, NECA and Target’s yearly event where exclusive collectible figures are made available through a series of increasingly frustrating and mysterious drops. To celebrate this milestone, ToyFarce is proud to present the next installment in the beloved saga: Haulathon V: The Scalpers Strike Back. After the success of the previous chapters (Episode 1: The Phantom Listing, Episode 2: Attack of the Bots, Episode 3: Revenge of the Cart and Episode 4: A New Nope), here is the thrilling fifth instalment, where our dedicated collectors armed with patience, several gallons of gasoline, fast Wi-Fi, and unrealistic optimism face their most dangerous foes yet! This year’s Haulathon promises "more figures, more drops, and more chaos than ever before" and so far, it has delivered. Just not in the way collectors hoped: "I went to several Targets and found nothing. 30 min later, a collector from my area posted that he found all the event's drops in one of the Target I just visited, and cleaned the shelves. Classic Haulathon experience!" said one collector while sobbing into their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blanket. To commemorate the fifth anniversary, Target and NECA even unveiled two special Haulathon features: "The Target Employee Who Has No Idea What You’re Talking About (w/ scanning gun and shrugging action)" and "The Customer Service Chatbot (includes 3 preloaded phrases and zero helpfulness!)". Collectors are already lining up for their chance to not get what they want! "I love the tradition of disappointment" said another fan. "It brings us together. Like Comic-Con, but if everyone left empty-handed." So buckle up, collectors! Haulathon V is here, and with a little luck, you too can score today a figure from a drop from 3 weeks from now! You can also get those items online, pre-sold out! And remember: May the force be with your browser... and your expectations remain low! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

As collectors worldwide shared a sigh of relief as the Four Horsemen Studios’ Beyithirr the dragon campaign ended (and they can finally pay rent again), a familiar phenomenon has returned: the elusive collector who "just found out" about it and is now desperately searching for one, at retail price, as it is, of course, for his kid (it's his birthday!) ToyFarce investigated... "I didn’t know about this until just now!" said a collector in a Mythic Legions Facebook group that had been flooded with Beyithirr posts for an entire month. "My son loves Mythic Legions dragons. He's got all of them!" said the collector, unaware that Beyithirr is the first. "He’s been talking about this one for weeks. If anyone has an extra at retail or cheaper, I’d really appreciate it. Just trying to make a little boy happy on his birthday!". When asked about when the birthday exactly is, he replied "Just when Beyithirr is released, late-2026 (unless there are some delays)." The post was met with a mix of eye-roll reactions, skeptical comments, and many GIFs of Robert Downey Jr. rolling his eyes (one of my favorites!). "The kid has a Mythic Legions shelf in his room" the collector continued. "It’s not for me, I swear! I don’t even collect these. Well, I mean, I have a few, but this is his favorite character... the dragon... Bayithar? Beyithirr? Something like that. I don't watch the show." Other collectors were quick to point out that this happens after every crowdfunding campaign or pre-order window ends: someone appears out of nowhere, dramatically proclaims ignorance of the campaign, and insists on paying retail "plus shipping". "It’s tradition at this point", commented another group member. "Every time, without fail. We have one for each wave, for every Figura Obscura drops, after every convention exclusives... There's always one." Experts predict a surge in posts like this over the next few months, peaking again when the dragons actually ship. "That’s when the 'I missed the campaign, just looking for one for my sick nephew' wave hits" said one collector. "Followed closely by the 'I just want one for retail because I don’t want to support scalpers' phase." More news at 11:00... Stay strong out there, dragon hoarders. You survived the campaign. Now come the retail seekers! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

In the wake of recent tariff announcements and price hikes, the toy world is undergoing a dramatic transformation: action figures, collectibles, and even basic building sets are now officially considered luxury items. That’s right, your once-affordable plastic friends are now one velvet display case away from being auctioned at Sotheby’s! ToyFarce investigated... The era of the $19.99 action figure is over. Welcome to the age of "Prestige Collecting". Hasbro, Mattel, and other toy giants will soon start rebranding standard figures as "Elite Class Artifacts", while retailers now offer payment plans that stretch into 2030. Accessories not included, those are now "optional prestige expansions". Influencers have responded accordingly. Toy reviewers now wear white gloves and use mahogany turntables for figure spins. No longer is it "that nice plastic smell", it’s now " a prestigious polymer bouquet". The experience of unboxing a figure will now be a red-carpet event. Toys have always been about fun, imagination, and a little bit of magic. Now, they will also be about credit scores. But fear not! While the prices may rise, so will our creativity in justifying them... right? More news at 11:00... because who doesn't want a second mortgage with their pre-orders? *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

The ToyFarce De-yellowing Glasses commercial first aired during the 2025 Geoffreys Awards on the ‪Toy Anxiety Youtube channel. Voice by Joe Azzari (‪@Voicesbyjoe‬ ) More ToyFarce products coming soon... maybe?

In an astonishing feat of dexterity, patience, and sheer willpower, toy collector Daniel F. has shattered the world record for unboxing a NECA/McFarlane Toys action figure, completing the task in just 18 minutes! The previous record, set in 2022, stood at a grueling 24 minutes and 37 seconds. "I still can't believe it myself" said Daniel, visibly exhausted but beaming with pride. "When I saw that figure staring at me from inside the package, wrapped in an excessive amount of plastic ties, clear rubber bands, and those stubborn molded plastic trays, I knew I was in for a battle. But I never imagined I'd make history!" Eyewitnesses described the scene as intense and dramatic. Armed with precision tools, including an X-Acto knife, industrial-grade scissors, and a level of determination usually reserved for bomb disposal experts, Daniel carefully snipped, twisted, and pried open each restraint in record time. "The trick is to stay calm and focus on one tie at a time" he explained. "If you rush it, you risk cutting the wrong part and potentially damaging the figure. We don't want to repeat something like the Great Broken Leg Incident of 2017". Experts in the field of action figure unboxing were in awe of Daniel's achievement: "We've seen people attempt this and fail" said a toy historian and unboxing analyst. "Some collectors even have snack breaks in between ties. But Daniel's endurance and precision are truly remarkable." Representatives from the Guinness World Records have acknowledged the feat and are in the process of officially verifying it. Meanwhile, NECA and McFarlane Toys have responded with a statement: "We would like to congratulate Daniel on this incredible achievement. However, we regret to inform him that our next wave of figures will feature even stronger, more entangled plastic restraints, because we truly enjoy watching people struggle". Daniel, undeterred by the challenge, has already set his sights on his next goal: attempting to free a McFarlane figure with a plastic cape in under 30 minutes. "It won't be easy", he admitted, "...but nothing worth doing ever is!" The action figure community now eagerly awaits the next challenger. Will anyone be able to beat Daniel's record? Only time will tell. More news at 11:00... "18 minutes?! Who is that guy? Quicksilver?"