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It's the summer lull in the toy world, and the latest big crowdfunding campaigns are feeling it hard. The HasLab G.I. Joe Classified Series Snow C.A.T., the Mattel Creations Masters of the Universe Origins Snake Lair and the HasLab Star Wars The Vintage Collection LAAT Gunship are all crawling toward their goals like a snow vehicle stuck in beach sand. ToyFarce investigated... At time of writing, and with only 6 days left, the G.I.Joe Classified Series Snow C.A.T. sits at 7,935 of 8,000 backers, inching forward like someone trying to walk on scorching pebbles (and might be funded by the time this article is posted). The Snake Lair, with 20 days left and 2,638 of 6,000 backers, is moving about as fast as an actual snake digesting a large meal. Meanwhile, the Star Wars The Vintage Collection LAAT Gunship, still very early in its campaign with 31 days remaining, hovers at 3,062 of 8,000 backers, presumably circling the beach looking for a landing spot. "Every year around this time, we see a dip in pledges" explained one fictional crowdfunding analyst. "Not because collectors lose interest, but because they're busy investing in other priorities - like SPF 50, pool floats, and overpriced cocktails on the beach. Right now, when we send them emails reminding them about the campaign, we get their automated replies letting us know they're on vacation and will reply later." Toy companies are already bracing for the return of the backer rush once vacation season ends. "We're confident people will come back soon" said another imaginary spokesperson. "They'll return home sunburnt, broke, and full of regret, which is the perfect emotional state to make a large impulse purchase." In the meantime, the campaigns remain in what experts are calling "the Summer Sandtrap", that awkward period where potential backers are too distracted by barbecues, beach trips, and Instagramming their feet in front of an ocean. More news at 11:00... Back now... before your tan fades! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

It’s that time of the year again: "Yo Joe June", a full month of exciting G.I. Joe news, reveals, and pre-orders from Hasbro and other brands! But while collectors are overjoyed, there’s one person who dreads this time of the year more than Cobra dreads a fully-funded H.I.S.S. Tank: Meet June Yojoe, a perfectly normal civilian with absolutely zero ties to the G.I. Joe brand, franchise, or toyline... and she has had enough. ToyFarce sat down with her for an exclusive interview. ToyFarce: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us, Ms. Yojoe. So first off, how excited are you about all the new G.I. Joe reveals thi... June Yojoe (interrupting): Okay, no. Absolutely not. I'm not doing this again. ToyFarce: ... I beg your pardon? June: Every single year. Every single June. My inbox fills up, people tag me on social media on tons of posts, my LinkedIn gets weird messages asking about Classified Series leaks. People see my name "Yojoe, June" and assume I'm part of some G.I.Joe event... Do I look like I work for Hasbro? Do I sound like a real American hero? I’m a dental hygienist from Iowa, for Pete's sake! ToyFarce: So you're saying you're not... June: I am not part of any "YoJoe June" celebration. My name is June Yojoe. Last name: Yojoe, First name: June. It's just a name. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t choose this life. ToyFarce: That must be... frustrating. June: Frustrating?! Last year, someone photoshopped me onto a Scarlett action figure! The year before, I got invited to a convention panel titled "YoJoe June: Secrets from the Source". I thought it was about dentistry and I went there! ToyFarce: Have you considered changing your name? June: And let G.I. Joe win? Never. I was here first! I’ve had this name since before the 3.75-inch era. Let them change the month! ToyFarce: So... no interest in the new Night Force Beach Head and Quick Kick figures? June: This interview is over. With two more weeks of YoJoe June left, June Yojoe is bracing herself... and silencing all notifications, just to be sure. More news at 11:00... "It's the same every year!" *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Toy collectors were still reeling from last week’s Marvel Legends Fanstream: Fantastic Four! Marvel vs Capcom! Yay! All the plastic glory a collector could dream of... until suddenly, the G.I. Joe team at Hasbro kicked the door down, said "Hold my beer", ripped off their sleeves, and screamed "YOJOE JUNE, BABY!"... ToyFarce investigated. Yes, the G.I. Joe Classified Series team decided to go full commando this week (not like that...get your mind out of the gutter, you!), coming in hot with a name-only reveals (Steelcore Sentry with Defense post and Desert Scorpion and Pet Scorpion), digital renders (AWE Striker, Legacy Collection Police officer, Renegades Sgt Slaughter and Mercer two-pack), figure pre-orders (Ninja Force Slice and Dice two-pack, Budo and Hawk with Mobile Missile System) and a plan that would make General Hawk himself blush: Not only did they unveil a small army of figures, but they also promised weekly streams throughout the entire month of June. That’s right: Every. Single. Week! As if that wasn’t enough, they casually dropped the news that a new HasLab will be revealed at the end of the month. Because nothing says "summer fun" like pre-ordering a multi-hundred-dollar plastic tank that will arrive sometime around the next presidential election. CAN'T WAIT! Collectors across the globe responded in unison with a joyful battle cry: "My poor wallet!" followed by the solemn resignation of clearing shelf space and preparing for financial ruin. At this point, we can only imagine what the next three streams will bring. More Classified Series figures! Vehicles! A lifesize Timber the wolf to guard your collection? One thing is certain: June has been fully commandeered by the G.I. Joe team, we know that now, and you know what they say about knowing... (it's half the battle. Wait... what's the other half?) More news at 11:00... YoJoe June? YOJOE, INDEED! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Move over, Mezco One:12 Collective 1989 Batman! There's a new most delayed toy in town! This week, Walmart sent an email to all their customers who had ordered the G.I. Joe Classified Series Night Force Vincent R. "Falcon" Falcone & Quarrel 2-pack to let them know that the release date has been changed. What we certainly did not expect was that the updated release date would be so far in the future! ToyFarce investigated... Action figure collector Robert G. was amongst the first to get the email, which showed an updated release date in 4417. "Well, I hope they won't delay it further..." he thought. After looking for answers online, Robert realized he wasn't the only one with such a delay. One collector received an email with an updated release date in 8892. Yes, you read that right. Eight. Thousand. Eight. Hundred. And. Ninety. Two. A few collectors were pondering if they should just cancel their pre-orders, since they clearly won't be there anymore when their Falcon and Quarrel set arrives, but the item is also sold out, so it might be difficult to get it in the future as well... And who knows what secondary market prices will look like in the 89th century! A source from Hasbro explained to ToyFarce that the delay was caused by a minor production issue, such as the discovery that plastic doesn't last for 6,000 years and that all of humanity will have most likely evolved into energy beings. A collector added that at least, his consciousness will live on to witness the unboxing. More news at 11:00... "I hope my great-great-great-great-great-(...)-grandchildren will take good care of it..." *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

In a world filled with digital reminders, one G.I.Joe collector is learning that some things are better left forgotten! "They won't let me move on from this disappointment!" said Rick, a collector who keeps receiving emails from Hasbro Pulse telling him to check his shopping cart, which contains the now sold out G.I.Joe Classified Cobra Commander "Once a Man" set. ToyFarce investigated... Like many other collectors, Rick tried to grab the coveted G.I.Joe Classified Cobra Commander "Once a Man" set as soon as it went live, adding it into his cart, before not being able to check out because the item sold out in seconds. "At first, I was bummed out, of course. I really wanted this set to complete my collection. I just thought 'Oh well, maybe next time...' but then, the email reminders started" "At first, it was just a single, innocuous message: 'Hey, don't forget your Once a Man figure is still in your cart!'. A gentle reminder, almost conforting in a way... I get that it's an automated message so I thought nothing of it. But as the days passed, the reminders became more and more frequent, and more insistent..." "Your item is still in your cart! You wouldn't want to miss out on it, would you?", "One click away! Just grab it, it's right there!", "Just one more step! Hurry up, the clock is ticking!". The reminders kept coming and the frustration quickly turned into a form of psychological torture, with each email being an uninvited guest mocking his failure to secure the action figure he wanted. "I even tried to delete it from my cart" added Rick, in desperation, "but every time I logged back in, it was back in my cart, teasing me." Now, Rick's inbox has become a haunted place, filled with the echoes of the collectibles that got away... No words yet on if this was linked to Cobra Commander's diabolical plan to frustrate Joe collectors. More news at 11:00 "I just want peace...and maybe a new email address." *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

In the midst of the heat of the summer, a G.I.Joe Collector made a chilling discovery as he was reaching for an ice cream this past weekend: The notorious Master of Disguise Zartan was found hiding out in a place no one expected... the household freezer. ToyFarce investigated... Brad, 34, was rummaging through his freezer looking for a refreshing popsicle when he stumbled upon the missing figure. "I couldn't believe it! There he was, right next to the frozen peas and leftover pizza!" recounts Brad. "I remember putting him there months ago, to see his skin change color again. Then, I moved on to something else and completely forgot about him... I even bought another one later, since I couldn't find it!" For those unfamiliar with the Master of Disguise Zartan, he is known for his ability to change his skin color to blend in with his surroundings (well, as long as they are blue...). However, it appears that after several months at sub-zero temperatures, Zartan's skin has undergone a transformation even Cobra Commander would find astonishing... "This is unprecedented." said an action figure preservation expert. "While Zartan figures are designed to change color temporarily, extended exposure to extreme temperatures seems to have permanently altered the pigments in the plastic." The now permanently blue Zartan has sparked interest in the collector community, as several collectors offered up big amounts of money for this unique figure, while others are trying to replicate the experiment. More news at 11:00... Remember: Always check your freezer before declaring something lost. *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Yesterday (Feb 1st, 2024) marked the 60th anniversary of G.I.Joe, and Hasbro celebrated by revealing new figures throughout the day, which caused a lot of commotion all over the globe. Chaos and mayhem ensued. Could Cobra have been involved in this? ToyFarce investigated. Reveals of upcoming, long awaited G.I.Joe Classified Series figures, such as Doc, Torch, Tiger Force versions of Roadblock and Tripwire, Nightcreeper, Jinx, and Dreadnok Gnawgahyde, complete with a warthog and a macaque, happened throughout the day as the G.I.Joe license turned 60 (Only a few more years before retirement!) and brightened the day of countless toy collectors. A source reported to ToyFarce that those reveals ended up having terrible consequences, as productivity was ruined in several workplaces, multiple car accidents were reported all over the globe (do not "toy reveals and drive", please), and relationships became tense as significant others got jealous over their partner's excitement throughout the day. Cobra, who are known for their nefarious plans involving anything G.I.Joe, have denied replying to our requests, but is most certainly rejoicing over the chaos and mayhem inadvertently caused by G.I.Joes yesterday. Special thanks to our source, Wreckship_85, for the tip/suggestion! More news at 11:00... Yo, 60 years old Joe! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

"If they want plastic, let them have plastic!". In 2019, Hasbro announced their plan to stop using plastic for all new product packaging, like their... plastic action figures, and other toys made of plastic (hmmm...). The initiative was met with controversy, and by April 2023, the company would go back on their decision and reintroduce the coveted plastic bubbles that toy collectors had missed. ToyFarce received an anonymous tip about what could be the next step in the evolution of packaging: the ALL-PLASTIC packaging! "When Hasbro decided to do something eco-friendly, to improve the sustainability of their products and packaging and pollute less, people clearly didn't want to hear any of that, and were nearly rioting for the return of plastic packaging." said our anonymous source (surely... let's say... a 'disgruntled employee'!). "The main issue people had with the windowless packaging was that they weren't able to see the figure inside, and they were scared someone would swap the content of the box to something else (which is more of a crime problem than a packaging problem, but I digress). So now, they have given up and let the collectors win. But they may have the last word very soon..." "By introducing the ALL PLASTIC packaging, they're gonna do even more damage to the environment. Sure, people will be able to see the toy inside its packaging, but there will be less planet to enjoy it on, eventually. The figure will be in a plastic tray, as it were before, but that plastic tray will be held between 2 parts of a plastic 'clamshell'. That clamshell will then be inserted inside a transparent rectangular plastic box. That's about 2 extra layers of plastic. Then, we can add a sticker with the name and brand of the figure, things like that." The ALL-PLASTIC packaging should be introduced in 2024, with hopes to eliminate all cardboard and other materials from the packaging by the end of 2026. More news at 11:00... Life in plastic, it's fantastic! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

There are only 10 days left to unlock the few remaining stretch goals for the G.I.Joe Classified Series G.I. Joe Assault Copter Dragonfly (XH-1) Haslab! One stretch goal, that hasn't been revealed yet, had been hiding in plain sight since the very beginning of the campaign! We need to talk about 'Adult-sized man'! The G.I.Joe Classified Series G.I. Joe Assault Copter Dragonfly (XH-1) Haslab has already been funded, and has nearly 15,000 backers (at time of writing). The gorgeous vehicle already comes with one action figure, the pilot, which looks like a young Sam Elliott (you know, the actor that is always cast as 'the cowboy'). The first stretch goal, Adult Tom Holland, has been already unlocked at 13,000 backers, and the second stretch goal, the mum from Modern Family, is a few days away to be unlocked as well, at 16,000 backers. A third figure, the Blue Senturion from Power Rangers Turbo, should be unlocked at 19,000 backers. But wait! There is more... Just like in video games, 'Adult-sized man' could be seen as just a silhouette in the background. If you select it, the game would tell you that the character is still locked. First revealed in Toy Anxiety, it has not been revealed yet how many backers are needed to unlock 'Adult-sized man', but we'll speculate that 21,000 backers would be needed. Help unlock 'Adult-sized man' by backing the G.I.Joe Classified Series G.I. Joe Assault Copter Dragonfly (XH-1) now! More news at 11:00... because making stuff up is the other half of the battle! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!

Over the last few weeks, the G.I.Joe Team has been teasing their next Haslab project via encrypted communiqués, telling that the G.I.Joes are aware of the impending arrival of the Cobra H.I.S.S. Tank and that they should deploy a certain 'Operation XXXXXXXXXXXXX' of their own to counter it. The messages had been rather secretive until now, when other types of communiqués started to appear on our feeds... The first suspicious encrypted message came from Roadblock, the heavy machine gunner of the team, whose second function is also as a cook. He shared a recipe for lasagna through that channel, which several assumed that it was coded message and probably meant something else. Haslab G.I. Joe Lasagna Kitchen confirmed?! The second message came from Snake Eyes, which was very chatty, as usual... Some other members of the team also shared memes, via the channel... It wasn't long until someone noticed that and sent a warning message. Do you think those could be clues to confuse Cobra? Let us know in the comments! More news at 11:00... and knowing the recipe is half the battle! *ToyFarce News is parody news for laughs and not meant to be taken seriously!