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Toys That Make My Stomach Hurt


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I don't consider myself a toy snob in the least...I can appreciate all toys, from the "adult" collectibles on down to the lines meant for the our littler Jedi's....there are alot of cool offerings out there now more than ever for toyboys & gals.......but sometimes there are just random toyz that just make my stomach hurt so much so I can start to feel my acid reflux knocking on my door....I start to wonder at whatever toy company producing that Pain inducing product could've maybe allocated more funds to make the more sought after toys from their lines(before all you toy insiders start lambasting me for my black & white view of a complex numbers & logistics system give me my gray area breakdown)instead only giving us limited product & access to the stuff we really want......they clog the online arteries & store pegs w/the Toyz that not only belong on Misfit Toy Island but should be banished for all time to the Island of Arctic Destro.......the most recent example of this for me was the SDCC exclusives & how they made plenty of the Workshop Shockwaves & Plastic Eraser looking TF's but they ran out of SW Black series Bobba Feet/Popsicle Hans & Titan Super Special Happy Chrome Fun-time Metroplex's....I'm a HUGE Blues Brothers fan & I've never had an New Blues-Mobile in my collection(cause we all know the old BM (haha) Caddy was traded away for a microphone)....I've been watching the pegs for sometime now, especially the Greenlight Cars.....I've seen Firebirds from Smokey & the Bandit, Old School?? & Joe Dirt???really..... & Other cars from the CSI tv show??(madness) Fast & the Furious releases abound HotWheels & Greenlight.....but I know I've seen the Bluesmobile & Chi-town Rollers (police vehicles) online but never in person at Toysrn'tus.....its been on my hunt list for abit & I'll find it cause it's bound to be re-issued(maybe Greenlight let the contract rights go??)....anyway I stopped by TRU tonight & it only led to bowel distress.....

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Really Greenlight?? I didn't even know there any cars in that Movie...all I remember is lots of Swayze & not the baddest cooler in the Bidness Swayze, just the Sensitive Swayze-dog who lurks & achieves ultimate Stalker Status from beyond the grave.....you know the weird thing is, if Swayze hadn't saved Demi then she would've been killed only to join him in the afterlife....but he solves his own murder and achieves true freedom from his earthly ball & chain....I'm sure at the end of the movie Demi & Whoopi drove away together in this wonderful Mustang....this toy makes my inner "Elwood" hurt (no Pun).....Soooo that being said are there anytoys you've seen that are just so random or weird They Truly Make your Stomach hurt.....I'm all cybernetic ears?? please by all means post pics......wtf.gif

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Saw this set at DD's discounts...after....I tried to forget it.....but you just can't un-see some things......But I firmly believe this was the toyline that Michael Bay wanted but cooler heads prevail

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I hate being an adult but living is oddly refreshing at times so on doctors orders, I was fitted for a Cpap & no longer have to choke on my neck fat while I sleep....I got off work early & nea

Two words.......Duck Dynasty. Yup. They made action figures for Duck Dynasty. I guess the little tykes are suppose to have them sit around a toy duck call warehouse and shoot the breeze all day.

I saw the show once...it wasn't for me but I found it harmless.

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What really bothers me is the discouraging trend of having new toy lines of action figures in the year 2013 with a whopping five points of articulation. It's so depressing to see them on the pegs...

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Two words.......Duck Dynasty. Yup. They made action figures for Duck Dynasty. I guess the little tykes are suppose to have them sit around a toy duck call warehouse and shoot the breeze all day.

 

 

I love that show but wahy is Walmart going overboard on the merchandise?Hell I would think if any show had figures it would be Pawn Stars

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Beyblade bothers me. An entire toy line and cartoon franchise for TOPS! F*ING TOPS!!

 

Don't even get me started on BeyBlades???....this has got be one of the greatest marketing dupes since those Go-Bots that turned into rocks......Beyblades were created from the cursed left over plastic & metal that were used to make Batman Quicktek Figures...the large amount of leftovers were biting into an apparent non-existent budget, so a plan was put into action to re-harvest those parts along w/discarded cardboard & make the worlds saddest toys. SoullessToy developers had already proved themselves w/using leftovers by designing & producing a whole line for Mortal Combat & Street Fighter figs. They figured why not push the line even further......& on the 7th day the Toy Dogs created Beyblades(what day did the LORD rest & couldn't he have created Beyblades on that day too??).....already content w/destroying the toy market by regressing back towards 5 points of articulation they not only wanted to destroy laughter but also eliminate our old friend Imagination.....sure some would say it requires a large amount of imagination to play w/Beyblades but I'm fairly sure its not imagination at all but a miracle of biblical stature to make Beyblades & the word "fun" arrive in the same sentence......Beyblades not only make my stomach hurt it makes me want to walk out into traffic to reclaim my Terminator Salvation figures.....on another note I did see the Duck Dynasty figs......they also make me wish for mercy amnesia....sad.gif

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Beyblade bothers me. An entire toy line and cartoon franchise for TOPS! F*ING TOPS!!

 

Don't even get me started on BeyBlades???....this has got be one of the greatest marketing dupes since those Go-Bots that turned into rocks......Beyblades were created from the cursed left over plastic & metal that were used to make Batman Quicktek Figures...the large amount of leftovers were biting into an apparent non-existent budget, so a plan was put into action to re-harvest those parts along w/discarded cardboard & make the worlds saddest toys. SoullessToy developers had already proved themselves w/using leftovers by designing & producing a whole line for Mortal Combat & Street Fighter figs. They figured why not push the line even further......& on the 7th day the Toy Dogs created Beyblades(what day did the LORD rest & couldn't he have created Beyblades on that day too??).....already content w/destroying the toy market by regressing back towards 5 points of articulation they not only wanted to destroy laughter but also eliminate our old friend Imagination.....sure some would say it requires a large amount of imagination to play w/Beyblades but I'm fairly sure its not imagination at all but a miracle of biblical stature to make Beyblades & the word "fun" arrive in the same sentence......Beyblades not only make my stomach hurt it makes me want to walk out into traffic to reclaim my Terminator Salvation figures.....on another note I did see the Duck Dynasty figs......they also make me wish for mercy amnesia....sad.gif

 

Its not going away anytime soon... I think Beyblade is a top seller for Hasbro...

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So tonight after dinner I wanted to walk off some calories, what better way than frantically running into every toy section I could possibly get to before all the stores closed....lately Ross & his couzins TJ Maxx, Marshalls haven't had S in stock lately....slow time of year for them.....it'll pick up by Xmas....So here in AZ we have Ross's younger less experienced naive lil sister....DD.....DD's Discounts is hit/miss & they have a few of them here in the valley of the Oven. Granted the toys aren't always in the best shape by the time they end up in Toysylvania or DD's, most of the toy stuff looks like its been kicked through the Uprights to score some extra points before landing on the shelves but tonight my stomach started to hurt again just seconds after entering the store....I knew I had struck gold.....granted this wasn't the worst I've seen but it was definitely in a league of it's own....

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I don't know what to make of it......I did see some HK tanks at another off brand retail store.....I hear Duplo is starting a Book of Eli Line that will be out to retail by Easter of next year.....

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Two words.......Duck Dynasty. Yup. They made action figures for Duck Dynasty. I guess the little tykes are suppose to have them sit around a toy duck call warehouse and shoot the breeze all day.

Not, just Duck Dynasty, there are also Swamp People toys, lol

 

As far as 'toys that make my stomach hurt'? The Jersey Shore Game' and games based on Facebook Games; 'Hungry, Hungry Farmville, Words w/ Friends (um, Scrabble? :P)

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Okay last night stopped at K-fart to see if they had any new Ultimate Joes & there are only a few KM's left here in the Valley of the Oven so it was outta the way......that Km is mostly miss & little hit so I didn't go in w/high hopes and that was how it played out......KM had about 7 aisles allotted for toy space and sadly One Aisle w/ 65% of the aisle for Action Figs the rest for Model Cars & Planes.....WWF figs taking up one side, Transformers little bit of space (surprising), TMNT-average space, Marvel (which were mostly the crappy build a fig Iron mans & The Giant 12" 4 POA POS Avengers, no Marvel Legends or Universe Figs atall) Star Wars Crammed into a tight little corner (at least they had the 4" Black figs & Ewok catapult set for $20!! whaaaaattt?? *Joe Dirt voice*) Godzilla figs?? (kool but outta place) Power Rangers usual stuff (notta fan here but still respect its tenacity, at least they have articulation) annnddddd NO Joes?? butt Plenty of MAX STEEL figs?? when did Satan re-issue these figs and what fresh Hell did they creep back from....I wasn't a fan in the 90s & damn sure not one now.....the MAX Steel display was quite sizable almost as big as the WWF figure display, lotsa Pegs and Pegwarmers for Ol' Maxy & his action packed 5 Points of Articulation......it looks like the Tron-look is making a comeback in a horrible way.....I didn't bother to look at the price....I know these are for the Tot-set but yet another reason for companies to sell the big boy toys in one of the other 7 aisles...... @pow@ Max Steel International Man of Dysentery left my stomach ailing....

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more indigestion more sorrow......

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these guys are reeel amuuricans.....I can only assume the next set involves the TSA.....I guess the borders in Legoland are so overwrought w/invaders they really needed a an Anti-Aircraft/Anti-Tank Flyswatter....the extended fence pieces come in another set.....

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^^^^That's a depressing toy.

 

As depressing at that last one was, there's a new toy crowding the Clearance Clarence shelf..Klaw...I've seen him so many times I wasted my last hour at Therapy talking about it clogging the pegs, now it's clogging the proverbial terlet (toilet) that is the clearance clarence aisle.....it gives me the cold chills & now I'm taking zanex because of the trauma it's caused....years from now instead Santa handing out Coal for Xmas he'll be handing out Klawwww.....Klaw stirs bowel distress from deep below it's akin to the "I've been eating Picked Eggs from the Bar & drinking Shlitz on tap alll day" kinda distress....

Klaw_zps52bb00e9.jpg

target oughta be paying the consumer $7.48 to take these craptacular figs off their hands....lookout Ross or DD's Discounts they have your name all over them...

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Some of the worst toys in recent history that I can remember are:

 

Avatar movie figs

Avatar the last airbender movie figs

Terminator Salvation figures

Max Steel

World War Z movie figs

Mortal Kombat figures...i love the game but these are so bad i cant believe why they are still being made. their price point is high too...i dont get it...

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