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Most of of us are getting to that age.


Lady Jaye
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...where those that raised us begin passing away.

 

My mom is in a nursing home, although she is relatively young, high blood pressure has destroyed her kidneys. That and other health issues has left her weak. She's told me she no longer wants to fight. She no longer wants to go to a hospital. I know she has dementia, but I know she's in her right mind when she tells me this.

 

How many of you are caring for aging parents in some form or another? So how many of you guys out there have parents with DNR orders?? Is it hard for you to respect their wishes??

 

I'm sure there are other forums, but you guys I've been online with for over 10 years, we're from the same generation!! A sort of brothers in arms!! Son I respect your opinions!!

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dad died of cancer in 2007, grandmother is in a home because of dementia

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So a lot of you guys have gone through what I am. I know my mom would pass years before me, cause she had me later in life, but wasn't expecting this soon!! I haven't even reached 40!! I don't think she'll be here for that birthday. My dad died when I had barely turned 4, so it's just been her ever since!! Just stinks seeing her so weak and helpless!!

 

I remember my mom being strong and taking me to the store!! I remember so many outings like they were yesterday!! The birthdays and the holidays, and just celebrations all throughout my life!!

 

Guess I'll always have these great memories!!!

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My Mom died a few years ago. She had me later as well. I think the hardest part has been the realization that my kids won't really ever know her. My daughter was only 1. All my brothers and sister grew up way before me and so all my nieces and nephews have great memories with my mom but mine won't. Its been hard but just knowing that its up to me to pass on memories of her to them to keep them alive has helped.

 

Have you ever read Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried? Its a Vietnam War novel. I ask because the last chapter was helpful in coming to that realization. Its called "The Lives of the Dead" and the basic premise is that stories can give life back to the dead. I used a few excerpts from it in my eulogy for my mom. You should check it out if you get the opportunity.

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My dad left when i was 4 i guess. We know each other but thats it. I didnt really cared when he was at the hospital with some sort of heart problem. I know its hard but i feel nothing for this man even though he is my father. All my love and strength will go to my mom. We had hard times but she is a woman who never gave up on us. We fighted nearly every day and i was unable to understand that back then but now i see what she did and if something ever happens i will be there. My aunt who somehow raised me went through a lot. Diabetis eated her up. The doctors operated her a lot in hope to stop it but they couldnt. I wasnt there when she passed away but somehow i took care of my cousin. I felt so responsible for him that i was there whenever he started crying. The grownups all had to deal with the death of my aunt but i knew that she was suffering a lot and that when she passed away it was a relief. I was the only one who didnt cry. I missed her but i wasnt sad. I dont know how to explain it. Since myself i had cancer i can understand when one person has enough to fight. I was there to for a little moment but then it got better for me and i saw the end and the goal i had to achieve.

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I'm so sorry for your predicament, Lady Jaye. I lost my own dad to cancer back in 2005, but I still have my mom, and she seems to be pretty healthy actually. She's sixty now. I'm very thankful to still have her in such good health. I will be praying for you and your mother.

 

I'm equally sorry to hear of so many lost and/or struggling loved ones on here that I wasn't aware of. Alot of you guys that have been there for me in the past over similar situations, and I've always been very grateful. I pray for everyone on here, that things will get better and easier. When we lose our parents and/or grandparents, it's the end of an era in alot of ways. And I'll admit I still have my moments where I get down and depressed about it. I won't lie. But now that I've been blessed to be a parent myself, I've never been happier. My daughter has helped to fill a very big hole in my life that was left by my dad. I can definitely sympathize with nevermore in particular, realizing that my little girl will never know my dad personally, and it's such a shame, knowing what a loving man he was and how much he loved children in general, especially his grandkids. But rest assured, I'm making sure she knows who Papaw is. I never knew my dad's dad either, and I used to enjoy listening to his stories and learning more about him every day. I'll be in the same position one day, and I just can't wait to tell her about him and all of my memories...

 

I just can't put into words properly how incredibly wonderful it's been to be able to be in my father's shoes, to be the one that's nurturing, protective, and ensuring my little girl is safe, happy, and taken care of. I'm very honored to be standing in his place in a sense, and realizing how he felt and how much he must have loved me, to know what he must have went through being a father himself.

 

Lady Jaye, you're in my thoughts. I've not had to care for my parents like you and many others are having to do, so I couldn't imagine how emotionally draining and depressing it must be. I will continue to pray for you and others.

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  • 1 month later...

My mom is battling really bad health issues. Is in a wheel chair after breaking her hip in a fall last july. She probably will never walk again. My dad at 76 is now showing the effects of being a 24 7 care giver. His health is getting worse and worse. Its a hard battle to see and listen too. I am hours away and my poor sister has to try and do it all on her own most of the time. So I too understand.

Draven

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  • 2 months later...

my mom died when i was 25. it was a complication of health problems and medications. it was very sad. its been about 11 years since then and i still think of her often. my kids never got to meet her, which sucks. i only knew my fathers mother. all of my other grand parents passed before i was borne. i love my kids more than i ever thought i could love anything and i look forward to the day when they have kids and i can enjoy them. that is a fire that keeps me moving...life, it never ends. today, i enjoy my kids; tomorrow, i enjoy theirs :D

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I am so thankful that my parents are still here and in good health. They are the model for what good parents should be.

 

My dad had prostate cancer a few years back but they caught it early and apparently got it all.

same thing with my dad a few years back. he was 60. i'm 36 and i'm on a 5 year reoccuring prostate and colon check up. and let me just say...the exam sucks :( but better safe than sorry. i want to make sure i am around to watch my kids grow.

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