My Secret Shame

[DRS]

I don't know about the rest of you guys and girls, but my wife would kill me if she knew how much I spent on my collecting habits. I often have to leave toys in my car and then sneak them in when she falls asleep. I'm also an ebay fiend and I am always nervous that the UPS guy is going to show up while we are in the middle of dinner and I have to sign for a big box and have my wife ask me "So what did you order now?". I'm curious to know if anybody else goes through this same type of ordeal just to get the toys that they love.

[billmaru]

I don't know about the rest of you guys and girls, but my wife would kill me if she knew how much I spent on my collecting habits. I often have to leave toys in my car and then sneak them in when she falls asleep. I'm also an ebay fiend and I am always nervous that the UPS guy is going to show up while we are in the middle of dinner and I have to sign for a big box and have my wife ask me "So what did you order now?". I'm curious to know if anybody else goes through this same type of ordeal just to get the toys that they love.

 

I am truly sorry man. I have the exact opposite situation. I have a girl (3 years now) who not only encourages my hobby, she likes it. She buys me things all of the time. You should set out a budget with your wife. Just say "Here is what I'm aloud to spend on my figures. This is something that I really enjoy". Work something out. No point in getting caught over something silly. It's like you're sneaking drugs. They're figures man. Have a talk and compromise.

[synch]

you are going to get busted sooner or latter and its only going to cause more problems down the road if you're wife and you can not agree to some kind of agreement on toys and collectibles and such that works for the both of you you need to decide between one or the other :S well then what do I know I have never had one...

[Dagger]

You should try talking to your wife about it. There is no point in shame. It does nothing, but drag you down.

[Moshbot]

i read ur situation and found it really funny!! It´s figures man, a hobby u enjoy. Talk to her and set a budget for figures, like billmaru said.

 

It`s not like ur cheating on her....right?? hehehe

[Scotty97]

One of my best friends has the same scenario in his daily life. I take the blame for most of it: "No, honey, it's not for me, it's for Steve. He has to pick it up" lol.

 

My shame is being 28 and having recently moved back in with my folks for a bit(a couple health issues). Try telling your parents how you have trouble paying the hospital bills, while carrying in a TRU bag full of Joes, lololol.

[Hulkabilly]

Dude I feel sorry for you, my wife is cool with it, looks out for figures I need and we have a buget for what I can buy and when. I have "cheated" a few times, but nothing that was awfuly bad or anything. But when I get busted, she is like "hey when did you buy that?", smiles, giggles and blows it off. I was a ebay figure crack whore for a short time, but after I got married and our son was born, I chilled out a lot and found easier and better way to get things (more fun too). There are flea markets and toy shows, if you are killing the house hold buget looking for figures I can see why she gets pissed, but if are playing it cool and calm, you need to just talk to her and explain things, oh and listen to her as well (found out the hard way that helps lol). Oh and I can thinking of "cheating" on the buget 2 times in 2 years lol.

 

Oh and if all else fails, buy her something shiney and expensive, that should shut her up for a while lol

[ARROW]

I'll be honest with you:

If you are feeling or expressing that its a problem, then its a problem.

You need to honest with your loved ones.

 

It might seem funny, or frivilous but spending habits can lead to a LOT of marital strife.

 

Reign it back, be sensible. Your spouse probably knows more than she is letting on, and might be harbouring resentments. Be open about your hobby and spending, and concede a few things.

Think about it..........she's doubtlessly not stupid, and she's very likely noticing more stuff steadily appearing in the home. If you are sneaking it into the house while she is asleep........you are the one assuming she is stupid and is not noticing.

One day, she might actually resent that.

 

One thing to remember is that with anything made inn the last 20 years--there's NO RUSH. Pristine MOC card sample will be around for years yet, and at prices you can reasonably afford if you are patient.

 

There is NOTHING in this hobby worth losing a spouse, home or lifetsyle over--and its happened to people.

Be smart, if you cannot openly purchase toys and enjoy the hobby, then cut back to a level where you can and both you and your spouse will not be embarrassed by it.

[Hulkabilly]

I'll be honest with you:

If you are feeling or expressing that its a problem, then its a problem.

You need to honest with your loved ones.

 

It might seem funny, or frivilous but spending habits can lead to a LOT of marital strife.

 

Reign it back, be sensible. Your spouse probably knows more than she is letting on, and might be harbouring resentments. Be open about your hobby and spending, and concede a few things.

Think about it..........she's doubtlessly not stupid, and she's very likely noticing more stuff steadily appearing in the home. If you are sneaking it into the house while she is asleep........you are the one assuming she is stupid and is not noticing.

One day, she might actually resent that.

 

One thing to remember is that with anything made inn the last 20 years--there's NO RUSH. Pristine MOC card sample will be around for years yet, and at prices you can reasonably afford if you are patient.

 

There is NOTHING in this hobby worth losing a spouse, home or lifetsyle over--and its happened to people.

Be smart, if you cannot openly purchase toys and enjoy the hobby, then cut back to a level where you can and both you and your spouse will not be embarrassed by it.

 

 

Agreed

[synch]

I'll be honest with you:

If you are feeling or expressing that its a problem, then its a problem.

You need to honest with your loved ones.

 

It might seem funny, or frivilous but spending habits can lead to a LOT of marital strife.

 

Reign it back, be sensible. Your spouse probably knows more than she is letting on, and might be harbouring resentments. Be open about your hobby and spending, and concede a few things.

Think about it..........she's doubtlessly not stupid, and she's very likely noticing more stuff steadily appearing in the home. If you are sneaking it into the house while she is asleep........you are the one assuming she is stupid and is not noticing.

One day, she might actually resent that.

 

One thing to remember is that with anything made inn the last 20 years--there's NO RUSH. Pristine MOC card sample will be around for years yet, and at prices you can reasonably afford if you are patient.

 

There is NOTHING in this hobby worth losing a spouse, home or lifetsyle over--and its happened to people.

Be smart, if you cannot openly purchase toys and enjoy the hobby, then cut back to a level where you can and both you and your spouse will not be embarrassed by it.

 

Great post as always! ##1# almost sounds like you are speaking from personal experience though I kind of doubt it knowing you as I do from all you're other posts! Perhaps though maybe a younger version of you're self? ! I am always reading of things like this online though mainly its just in the dating stage... I have read of one case though where a guy got so highly into comics he was doing the same thing this guy was sneaking ect it nearly destroyed them when she found out & it spilled out into a mess on a online forum I think because the wife came on and posted some nasty hate full things @loll@

 

Though from what I read they managed to work things out a while after that & the guy is still posting on said site and collecting as well how ever not hiding it! @loll@

[jjlecaros]

my mom would always tell me to stop buying stuff....but the i got a job and stuff and it ended

[RHINOMAN]

Get out of my head, dude!! Gah!!

[hellion]

dude. i am goping through the same exact thing you are going through. I got busted cause she opened up my mail from the bank. it was a good thing i got caught cause now i know how to budget my spednings. I used to just bid on everything i see without thinking. good luck on your problem.

[DRS]

Thanks for all the great advice guys. I think that setting a budget would be the best way to go. Like it was pointed out, a figure that came out in the last 10 years or so will still be available any other time I decide to look for it on ebay. I mean I make sure all our bills are paid on time and whatnot but we are looking for a house right now and we are going to need the extra income for the down payment. So I can cool it with the toys for a while and not be so greedy.

[ToyWorldBreaker]

I don't have the problems most guys have with their women because I let the woman know from the start what's up. If you start out hiding stuff it just snowballs later. I'm a dominate personality anyway so if the woman I'm with doesn't like something I'm doing she can go about her business because as far as I'm concerned we're born alone and we'll die alone. My wife is o.k. with my collecting and she even looks for figures for me when she's out. She loves me and she knows they make me happy so that's why she looks for figs for me. If you guys have women that aren't cool with your collecting, you need to tell them there are far worse things you could be doing with your time and money. Drugs, mistresses, drinking, gambiling, etc.

 

Collecting is cool but as anything goes too much of it could be bad for you so have some self-control and you'll be o.k.

[asurmac]

I don't know about the rest of you guys and girls, but my wife would kill me if she knew how much I spent on my collecting habits. I often have to leave toys in my car and then sneak them in when she falls asleep. I'm also an ebay fiend and I am always nervous that the UPS guy is going to show up while we are in the middle of dinner and I have to sign for a big box and have my wife ask me "So what did you order now?". I'm curious to know if anybody else goes through this same type of ordeal just to get the toys that they love.

 

I had this problem too. It got to the point where I was shoplifting toys. I got arrested for it. Eventually my wife came around, and I get $80 a month to spend on toys and comics. It's hard not to spend more on them sometimes, but it's worth not having the aggrivation.

[ARROW]

Great post as always! almost sounds like you are speaking from personal experience though I kind of doubt it knowing you as I do from all you're other posts!

 

Synch- I went bankrupt in 2003, due in part to my spending habits on toys and collectibles.

I know of about two other people on-line who developed serious issues with their spouses because of their collecting--and with one of those people the strife ended in divorce.

 

In my case, bankruptcy was no picnic. You cannot believe the stress a person goes thru when they are going thru the process for the first time--simply because you don't understand the process.

It almost cost me my relationship, and it DID indirectly cost me my home and eventually a vehicle--no lie. Those were some very dark days indeed...

 

The visual in our collective heads about a guy sneaking toys into his house might strike the lot of us as hysterical, but let's get deadly serious for a second...

There's NOTHING in this hobby worth losing a spouse or your financial security over.

If it happens to someone, its because they are stupid.

In Canada, the laws protected me and most of my property from seizure, in the States or elsewhere, someone else might not be as lucky.

(and before the thought crosses your minds: getting rid of your stuff for cash doesn't work. I tried and had almost no takers. It does not work.)

 

 

If someone is finding they NEED to buy stuff, if they actually feel physical or emotional discomfort of ANY kind in depriving themselves, then they are suffering from an addiction.

That's almost a medical definition right there.

No kidding, its a real affliction-with all the medical signs of an addiction just like a chemical dependancy.

 

Very moderate spending, holding to a strict budget and being patient allow you to maintain the hobby (habit) by dosing the "addiction" to yourself. This will overcome the addictive part of it. Out of control spending and deceitful practises will only make the addiction worse.

 

The very worst thing you want to have happen is to wake up one day and see that you have a tremendous amount of stuff and a hopelessly shallow life.

[DRS]

Great post as always! almost sounds like you are speaking from personal experience though I kind of doubt it knowing you as I do from all you're other posts!

 

Synch- I went bankrupt in 2003, due in part to my spending habits on toys and collectibles.

I know of about two other people on-line who developed serious issues with their spouses because of their collecting--and with one of those people the strife ended in divorce.

 

In my case, bankruptcy was no picnic. You cannot believe the stress a person goes thru when they are going thru the process for the first time--simply because you don't understand the process.

It almost cost me my relationship, and it DID indirectly cost me my home and eventually a vehicle--no lie. Those were some very dark days indeed...

 

The visual in our collective heads about a guy sneaking toys into his house might strike the lot of us as hysterical, but let's get deadly serious for a second...

There's NOTHING in this hobby worth losing a spouse or your financial security over.

If it happens to someone, its because they are stupid.

In Canada, the laws protected me and most of my property from seizure, in the States or elsewhere, someone else might not be as lucky.

(and before the thought crosses your minds: getting rid of your stuff for cash doesn't work. I tried and had almost no takers. It does not work.)

 

 

If someone is finding they NEED to buy stuff, if they actually feel physical or emotional discomfort of ANY kind in depriving themselves, then they are suffering from an addiction.

That's almost a medical definition right there.

No kidding, its a real affliction-with all the medical signs of an addiction just like a chemical dependancy.

 

Very moderate spending, holding to a strict budget and being patient allow you to maintain the hobby (habit) by dosing the "addiction" to yourself. This will overcome the addictive part of it. Out of control spending and deceitful practises will only make the addiction worse.

 

The very worst thing you want to have happen is to wake up one day and see that you have a tremendous amount of stuff and a hopelessly shallow life.

 

Dang Arrow, I don't want to go bankrupt and I'm really glad you're sharing this with us. Addiction is addiction no matter what your drug of choice is. I really hope that anybody else that has these types of problems can get something from your experience.

[ARROW]

DRS-

 

At my peak.......at my worst, I was spending $700 a week on toys--mostly 12" military figures and such.

It was not uncommon for me to spend $500-$1000 in a single day, and I hit that upper amount at the Twenty First Century Toys Convention in Burbank in 2000.

 

Nowadays, I do not spend $700 in a single year on toys.

 

Here's my advice:

add up what you have spent over the past year, and do it month-by-month.

Then take that value, and divide it by ten.

That's your budget per month.

You can spend that limit, or save up that amount over the course of a couple of months for a bigger blow. Once a year, you can double the spending limit for that one month.

Remember: there's no rush with retail items, because they will remain in circulation for years to come.

Take the money you are saving and share it with your spouse, or save it for something you can BOTH enjoy. Do this deliberately.

 

Trades do NOT count towards this, except for shipping costs. Karma does not count towards this. Gifts to you do not count towards this.

 

You will not deprive yourself, you'll still have access to the stuff you seek, still be able to collect and, I'll hazard, will enjoy the hobby a LOT more.

I'm STILL enjoying the hobby, moreso than before.........simply because I'm exercsing moderation. I appreciate what I buy more than I used to, because it "means" more to me because I've chosen it carefully and saved up for it.

[hellion]

DRS-

 

At my peak.......at my worst, I was spending $700 a week on toys--mostly 12" military figures and such.

It was not uncommon for me to spend $500-$1000 in a single day, and I hit that upper amount at the Twenty First Century Toys Convention in Burbank in 2000.

 

Nowadays, I do not spend $700 in a single year on toys.

 

Here's my advice:

add up what you have spent over the past year, and do it month-by-month.

Then take that value, and divide it by ten.

That's your budget per month.

You can spend that limit, or save up that amount over the course of a couple of months for a bigger blow. Once a year, you can double the spending limit for that one month.

Remember: there's no rush with retail items, because they will remain in circulation for years to come.

Take the money you are saving and share it with your spouse, or save it for something you can BOTH enjoy. Do this deliberately.

 

Trades do NOT count towards this, except for shipping costs. Karma does not count towards this. Gifts to you do not count towards this.

 

You will not deprive yourself, you'll still have access to the stuff you seek, still be able to collect and, I'll hazard, will enjoy the hobby a LOT more.

I'm STILL enjoying the hobby, moreso than before.........simply because I'm exercsing moderation. I appreciate what I buy more than I used to, because it "means" more to me because I've chosen it carefully and saved up for it.

 

you ever sell some items on ebay? after you got bankrupt?

[Inggasson]

I had this problem with my GF for a while, until I told her quite bluntly that she should mind her own damn business because I never complain about how much she spends on shoes and boots

[FlyingFigg]

I don't know about the rest of you guys and girls, but my wife would kill me if she knew how much I spent on my collecting habits. I often have to leave toys in my car and then sneak them in when she falls asleep. I'm also an ebay fiend and I am always nervous that the UPS guy is going to show up while we are in the middle of dinner and I have to sign for a big box and have my wife ask me "So what did you order now?". I'm curious to know if anybody else goes through this same type of ordeal just to get the toys that they love.

 

 

I'm in the same boat, I recently got a wave of sentinel series ML just for the sentinel in the mail. My wife has asked me repeatedly what it is, I have yet to tell her what it was. I just change the subject, when it comes up.

 

She's O.K. with my collections and in our new house she delegated a room for my collections which I dubbed my 'nerd room'. (Pics to come soon)

 

The biggest problem, for me is I feel a little ashamed of spending the money on my collecting habit, it's not like the bills aren't getting paid or anything, but I know we should be saving everything that we can. I am compensating somewhat on cutting other expenses; quitting smoking (had to do that regardless), taking lunch to work every day, making my own coffee, instead of buying a cup(s) from Tim Horton's.

 

She wouldn't be angry at me or anything, and I don't lie to her about it, yet I hide it anyway. Weird

[ARROW]

you ever sell some items on ebay? after you got bankrupt?

 

Nope, for several reasons:

One-- I've never done Ebay before, and I couldn't conscience making mistakes at it and losing money.

Funds were just too tight in my household.

I did try to sell off as much of my collection as a I could.....it was cherry-picked and haggled at by people and I was left with a LOT of stuff unsold. This wasn't junk either--but it was common stuff.

 

Two-- I went bankrupt in a city I'd just moved to, and in the middle of the bankruptcy had to move back to the province I had left. When I tried to sell my stuff, I only made about $600 on what was about $5000 worth of stuff. Moving costs were $3000--obviously, selling my collection in a short period of time to address that cost wouldn't have worked.

 

Three-- under the veil of insolvency protection ( a period of 9 months for a first time bankrupt, after which you are discharged) ANY income I made had to be reported to my trustee. If I'd earned over a certain amount, they be able to seize that amount and any sales of my collection would amount to nothing--so what would be the point?

 

There's no point in using subterfuge with the trustee ( they have all your financial info), because if you get caught--things get pretty dicey.

[FearfulSymmetry]

I don't know about the rest of you guys and girls, but my wife would kill me if she knew how much I spent on my collecting habits. I often have to leave toys in my car and then sneak them in when she falls asleep. I'm also an ebay fiend and I am always nervous that the UPS guy is going to show up while we are in the middle of dinner and I have to sign for a big box and have my wife ask me "So what did you order now?". I'm curious to know if anybody else goes through this same type of ordeal just to get the toys that they love.

 

 

dude, that is my life hahaha

 

i know people are getting all serious here and i see there points

but in my case, its fun collecting but i cant do anything in moderation haha

... my wife doesnt really care, she justs laughs and tells me that i have another package that just arrived but every now and agian she just gives me that look and says "When will it end? When is it enough?!"

but she is still cool when i call her whil eshe is at Walmart and tell her to go down the toy aisle and let me know what's there.

 

yeah but still ill hit the comic store or toy store and the leave them in the truck and bring them in when she aint around so i dont have to hear about how much stuff i have piling up.

 

Luckily we just fixed up and furnished the attic, so that was designated my "geek room" to display my collectibles that are clogging up the basement, garage and office.

 

i also realized i might be spending a bit too much on Marvel Legends and comics so i cut out going to concerts and took a hiatus from drinking and sold off my other figures that i have no interest in so i figure, i am am saving tons on those fronts so it's all good... for now.

 

anyways good luck, dont get too out of control and have fun making those "secret late night trips" out to your car. haha

[DesiSpider]

Its good to see issues on 'the other side' of collecting. I am not an avid collector. I mostly buy stuff that i have an association with. Cartoons and comic characters that i watched as a kid. So i pretty much keep within limits of a responsible collector.

 

But my problem is that my family/wife doesnt understand this kind of a hobby. A grown man spending money on toys!! With this kind of thinking it doesnt matter even if i just spent $10, they just cannot justify the expense.

 

I kind of managed to get most of the stuff that i want to. But every now and then if i want to buy something, it needs a whole lot of preparation .